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TheScarletHood
DinosaurPixel
Anon#12370
§China'sAllieCat§
loldrive
I am epicness
Purplealligat0r
Sage'sSong
MotherTrucker
Nightcore413
Rawrshack
Sandstriker
16 posters
Pun and Jokes Thread
Sandstriker- Super Kami Guru
- Posts : 8480
Join date : 2013-11-07
- Post n°1
Pun and Jokes Thread
Tell your favorite joke or puns!
Rawrshack- n00b
- Posts : 99
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Location : skyhold
- Post n°2
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
My grades are below sea (C) level!
Rawrshack- n00b
- Posts : 99
Join date : 2013-11-08
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- Post n°3
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
What a "bri"utiful pun
it was so gouda
it was so gouda
Nightcore413- Member
- Posts : 156
Join date : 2013-11-08
Age : 24
Location : Everywhere At Once
- Post n°4
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
Rawrshack- n00b
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- Post n°5
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
Lots of "cheddar" chatter on this forum
MotherTrucker- n00b
- Posts : 2
Join date : 2013-11-08
Age : 79
- Post n°6
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
A girls father goes and talks to her princapal about her grades. The principle shows the father that she has all D's. then the principle says " it's like she wants the D"
Nightcore413- Member
- Posts : 156
Join date : 2013-11-08
Age : 24
Location : Everywhere At Once
- Post n°7
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table,she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up?” God said, “No,you have another 43 years,2 months and 8 days to live.” Upon recovery,the woman decided to stay in hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, and brighten her teeth! Crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by ambulance. Arriving in front of God,she demanded, “I thought you said i had another 43 years?” Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?” God replied: “I didn’t recognize you!”
Nightcore413- Member
- Posts : 156
Join date : 2013-11-08
Age : 24
Location : Everywhere At Once
- Post n°9
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Cocaine from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Cocaine from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"
Nightcore413- Member
- Posts : 156
Join date : 2013-11-08
Age : 24
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- Post n°10
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry". He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.
Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there.
They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Bonk after the final and explained to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVA for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus.
Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated, relieved and very proud of their story. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page...
WHICH TIRE? (95 points)
Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there.
They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Bonk after the final and explained to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVA for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus.
Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated, relieved and very proud of their story. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page...
WHICH TIRE? (95 points)
Nightcore413- Member
- Posts : 156
Join date : 2013-11-08
Age : 24
Location : Everywhere At Once
- Post n°11
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your steering wheel.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your steering wheel.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Nightcore413- Member
- Posts : 156
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Age : 24
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- Post n°12
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
I have so many more of these
Sage'sSong- Certified Romanceologist
- Posts : 11266
Join date : 2013-11-09
Age : 27
Location : Middle Earth
- Post n°13
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
This is where I belong! =D
I tried to catch a cloud, I mist.
I tried to catch a cloud, I mist.
Purplealligat0r- n00b
- Posts : 54
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Age : 25
Location : Ummmm Usually at mah Compooter
- Post n°14
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
So punny.
Sage'sSong- Certified Romanceologist
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- Post n°15
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
Quite punderful
I am epicness- Member
- Posts : 128
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Location : Not at ca
- Post n°16
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
Teacher: if I was pretty (past tense)
Teacher: and will be pretty (present tense)
Teacher: then what does the phrase "I am pretty"
Student: a lie
Teacher: and will be pretty (present tense)
Teacher: then what does the phrase "I am pretty"
Student: a lie
Rawrshack- n00b
- Posts : 99
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- Post n°17
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
Wouldnt will be, be future tense.
I am epicness- Member
- Posts : 128
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- Post n°18
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
Boy: hey
Girl: says nothing
Boy: I like u
Girl: still says nothing
Boy: ok I think I love u
Girl: still says nothing
Boy: and I never want to let u go
Girl: girl doesn't reply
Boy: kiss's girl
Boy: eats girl
Girl was Dorito the whole time
Girl: says nothing
Boy: I like u
Girl: still says nothing
Boy: ok I think I love u
Girl: still says nothing
Boy: and I never want to let u go
Girl: girl doesn't reply
Boy: kiss's girl
Boy: eats girl
Girl was Dorito the whole time
I am epicness- Member
- Posts : 128
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Age : 27
Location : Not at ca
- Post n°19
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
Person: you have no sense of humor
You: [you set person on fire, after they scream in agony for a bit you put the fire out then say]
I guess you're right, that wasn't funny at all.
You: [you set person on fire, after they scream in agony for a bit you put the fire out then say]
I guess you're right, that wasn't funny at all.
Rawrshack- n00b
- Posts : 99
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- Post n°20
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
Sometimes people get confused when the sentence doesn't end the way they... (end it your way)
Last edited by Rawrshack on Mon Nov 11, 2013 7:43 pm; edited 1 time in total
Sage'sSong- Certified Romanceologist
- Posts : 11266
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- Post n°21
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
That joke was cool.
Like a refrigerator.....
Like a refrigerator.....
Rawrshack- n00b
- Posts : 99
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- Post n°22
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
We had a pigeon to dissect in biology, we asked him if he was ready and he lost his head with excitement
loldrive- Member
- Posts : 167
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Age : 24
Location : Aperture Science Enrichment Center
- Post n°23
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Im bad at rhyming
Refrigerator
Violets are blue
Im bad at rhyming
Refrigerator
Sage'sSong- Certified Romanceologist
- Posts : 11266
Join date : 2013-11-09
Age : 27
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- Post n°24
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
Robin is red,
Night wing is blue,
Rhyming is hard,
I'm batman.
Night wing is blue,
Rhyming is hard,
I'm batman.
loldrive- Member
- Posts : 167
Join date : 2013-11-08
Age : 24
Location : Aperture Science Enrichment Center
- Post n°25
Re: Pun and Jokes Thread
lol
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